Appearing together on their third In Touch cover story, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are said to be faking the whole relationship thing for ratings. Gasp.

A witness at a recent appearance said, “Kourtney was sitting with her girlfriends, but Scott barely paid any attention to her. He partied with his guy friends and let the hot cocktail waitress light his cigarette.”

But they changed their tune when all of the photographers arrived. The snitch said, “Suddenly, Scott and Kourtney were all lovey-dovey.”

When the snappers left, Scott walked away, because he’s an epic douche. He paid very little attention to Kourtney, but she has to stick around with him because he’s said to be good for ratings. I say that because I’ve never watched an ounce of this show and I say that proudly.

He’s cute, but if he’s a douche, then Kourtney needs to step up and show him the door. ASAP. Now that would be excellent for ratings. I might watch if that happened. Might.